Although I do not want anymore turkey or ham, I am still giving thanks. This was a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend, and the more I look around me, the more I realize how truly blessed I am. I was able to spend time with my family, and that means so much to me. There are so many who do not have a family at all. So many spent this weekend alone and sad. Although I would have loved another day off, I was BLESSED to have a job to go back to today. There are so many who do not have a job and are in dire need of one to take care of their families. Although it was a cold, rainy day, I still had shelter when it was dark. There are so many who will spend the night in this cold dreary weather with no form of physical shelter. As I was giving a man a donation today for the paper, he said, "It is so cold and rainy out here." I realized the truth of what he was saying. He was homeless and knew that the night would only make it worse for him.
Truly, we have so much to be thankful for. And we have so much that we can give back to others. Please do not allow this season to pass without giving something to someone less fortunate than yourself. It might not always be in the form of money. It can be your time, a kind word, a gentle touch, a smile.
Luke 6:38
New International Version (NIV)
38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
Be blessed,
Lemon
Monday, November 28, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Forgiveness, Memories, and Trust...what a combination!
I have tried and tried to get this thing off of me for the last few nights, but I cannot. I have been awakened at least the last three nights, feeling that I needed to write this blog. Each time, I would just make excuses, saying things like, “Oh, I don’t feel like getting up and turning on the computer...etc., etc.”
But if I have learned one thing in the last 3 years it is this, when God says do something, I had better do it. It could be to help just one person. Well here goes.
The issue is not forgiveness, (this time), it is remembrance. I have been hurt “to the quick” (as they say) by men (two husbands) who said they loved me dearly. I often say (to myself), that they both left me for dead. They were able to walk away from our marriage and never look back. One after 12 years, and one after only 5 years (I guess he figured no use of staying any longer…) Now believe me, I have had to do some soul searching myself to see why they “love me and leave me.” I have come up with a few things (smile).
But the issue here is that although I “feel” that I have forgiven both of these men, (and some others…let’s not go there), I cannot seem to forget. I know, I know. We always say “I can forgive, but I can’t forget.” But, should those times of remembering cause you to get so worked up that you can hardly think or focus? Should they cause you so much sadness that you want to retreat back to your “safe” place, but you remember how long it took you to get where you are; so you dare not go backwards.
There are many things that trigger my memory. It can be something on tv, something that I hear, something or someone that I see. And then, it is like “boom”, I am thrown back to the early morning hours of October 25, 2008, when my husband stood in our bedroom doorway (with his “bag” packed) and announced “I am leaving now.” He was going to be with his pregnant mistress who would give birth only a few days later.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because I want you to know that when I say I understand your hurt, I truly mean it. I know there are different types of hurt, and I know that we have all been hurt in some way. But the only hurt I can really tell you about is my own.
So I asked God the other night, why the memories? Because honestly, if God wanted to, He could wipe away all of the hurt and pain, and memories. (And I am not saying that I want Him to do that, because I don’t want my memory taken away.) But He “reminded” me, that the memories “remind” me of what an awesome God He is! How can you feel you are living in a dark hole one moment (or in some cases one year or more) and then you look up one day and life has gone on. You did not die (physically or emotionally), and suddenly He has turned your mourning into dancing.
Do I like having these memories? There are many more…too numerous to even write about. No, I don’t particularly like them. But they do help me to see that there is nothing too hard for God. There is no hurt that He cannot heal. There is no pain that He does not feel. There is nobody greater than our God!
And then I realize the bigger issue is really not the memories, it is the issue of trust. I would not be honest with you if I told you that my trust in mankind has been restored. It has not, and I just know that God will help me.
My dear friends, please do not be so hard on yourself because of the memories. You do not have the power to wipe them away. But you do have the power to decide how you will handle them when they arise. I want you to be encouraged today. God makes no mistakes. If He brought you to it, He will definitely see you through it. Until next time….
Lemon
The Barren Woman
But if I have learned one thing in the last 3 years it is this, when God says do something, I had better do it. It could be to help just one person. Well here goes.
The issue is not forgiveness, (this time), it is remembrance. I have been hurt “to the quick” (as they say) by men (two husbands) who said they loved me dearly. I often say (to myself), that they both left me for dead. They were able to walk away from our marriage and never look back. One after 12 years, and one after only 5 years (I guess he figured no use of staying any longer…) Now believe me, I have had to do some soul searching myself to see why they “love me and leave me.” I have come up with a few things (smile).
But the issue here is that although I “feel” that I have forgiven both of these men, (and some others…let’s not go there), I cannot seem to forget. I know, I know. We always say “I can forgive, but I can’t forget.” But, should those times of remembering cause you to get so worked up that you can hardly think or focus? Should they cause you so much sadness that you want to retreat back to your “safe” place, but you remember how long it took you to get where you are; so you dare not go backwards.
There are many things that trigger my memory. It can be something on tv, something that I hear, something or someone that I see. And then, it is like “boom”, I am thrown back to the early morning hours of October 25, 2008, when my husband stood in our bedroom doorway (with his “bag” packed) and announced “I am leaving now.” He was going to be with his pregnant mistress who would give birth only a few days later.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because I want you to know that when I say I understand your hurt, I truly mean it. I know there are different types of hurt, and I know that we have all been hurt in some way. But the only hurt I can really tell you about is my own.
So I asked God the other night, why the memories? Because honestly, if God wanted to, He could wipe away all of the hurt and pain, and memories. (And I am not saying that I want Him to do that, because I don’t want my memory taken away.) But He “reminded” me, that the memories “remind” me of what an awesome God He is! How can you feel you are living in a dark hole one moment (or in some cases one year or more) and then you look up one day and life has gone on. You did not die (physically or emotionally), and suddenly He has turned your mourning into dancing.
Do I like having these memories? There are many more…too numerous to even write about. No, I don’t particularly like them. But they do help me to see that there is nothing too hard for God. There is no hurt that He cannot heal. There is no pain that He does not feel. There is nobody greater than our God!
And then I realize the bigger issue is really not the memories, it is the issue of trust. I would not be honest with you if I told you that my trust in mankind has been restored. It has not, and I just know that God will help me.
My dear friends, please do not be so hard on yourself because of the memories. You do not have the power to wipe them away. But you do have the power to decide how you will handle them when they arise. I want you to be encouraged today. God makes no mistakes. If He brought you to it, He will definitely see you through it. Until next time….
Lemon
The Barren Woman
Thursday, November 10, 2011
So Far, So Good
Since we last talked, I have continued my pursuit to greatness...i.e., my weight loss goal! I am still pressing my way to the gym at least 4 days a week, and the Zumba is getting a little better. I am carefully restructuring my eating habits on a daily basis, and trying to make better choices. I am now focusing on what I can do to up the ante on my exercise plans. I think I need to add some things. The most important part of all of this is that I know I can and will do this. With God's help, all things are possible for me. I have set a 2-year goal to meet my weight loss plans of losing at least 150 pounds. I know! WOW! That's a lot of weight to lose. But, it was a lot to gain. Believe me, I feel every bit of it.
God is so good to me, and I thank Him for His mercies each day. I cannot tell you that I am at the point where I WANT to get up each morning and go to the Y to workout, but I DO get up. That is a major step for me. To God be the glory for the things He is doing each day. I pray that I can be a walking example of what you can do if you trust Him and work hard.
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